Happily Ever Oops!
by quiet-heart
Summary: Randi and Mac are married and finally on their honeymoon in Hawaii. But Randi's been acting funny lately and Mac is worried about her. When the pair meet up with Hawaii's famous 5-0 team, mayhem and laughter, as always, ensues. Picks up from Inside Out and Upside Down.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Central Park, New York City, 2009**

The marriage ceremony between Detective Mac Taylor and Miranda "Randi" Wilcox went off without a hitch.

Randi wore a dress identical to the one worn by the lady in Nene Thomas's painting, _Lovers_, while Mac, somehow coaxed by Randi, wore what the gentleman in the same painting wore.

Detective Don Flack served as Mac's Best Man, with Fabio, Randi's beloved dog, was a groomsdog.

Angel, Randi's business manager and one of two BFF's, was the Maid of Honor and Candy, her other BFF and secretary, was a bride's maid, along with her three Chihuahuas, Tootsie, Macaroon, and Licorice.

Danny and Lindsey Messer's daughter, Lucy, who was also Mac's godchild was a Flower Girl, and she had a great time dumping her basket of flower petals all over her daddy's head. Randal, Angel's son, was the ring bearer with his daddy, Trey, Angel's husband.

Randi's father gave her away, Fabio fell asleep on Don's feet, and the groom kissed his bride.

The reception was a picnic gathering with everyone bringing food and drinks. Lucy and Randal loved the dogs and the dogs loved them. Mind you, the dogs loved anyone who paid attention to them and fed them.

There was only one problem. Someone had fed Fabio cheese, garlic, and onions, not realizing the ban or knowing the repercussions of doing so.

There was a nice campfire going for hot dogs and s'mores.

And Fabio proved that certain intestinal gases are indeed flammable when exposed to an open flame.

In typical Wilcox fashion, his timing could not have been more perfect. At that particular moment CSI Sheldon Hawkes was walking past the fire with a box of firecrackers, intended for use later that day. The minor explosion caused by Fabio's backfire not only startled him, but also Medical Examiner Sid Hammerback, who accidently hit Sheldon, which sent the box of firecrackers in to the fire.

And chaos ensued.

In the end, no one was seriously hurt but police were called in on account of 'gunshots' heard by witnesses. It took some explaining by both Mac and Randi to calm things down, along with some pacifying of the locals, thanks to the fact that Randi had the number of a bakery in Hoboken on speed-dial who did deliveries.

The next day the Times paper read, "_Taylor-Wilcox Marriage Starts With A Bang._"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**July, 2012**

"_Awwwoooooooo!_"

Mac groaned to himself as he chased after Fabio, who was chasing after someone who was being chased by two guys wearing flak jackets and weapon holsters.

_Randi is going to kill you, you damned mutt_, Mac thought. _And I might just do that myself once I catch up to you!_

Mac and Randi were in Honolulu, Hawaii, on what was supposed to be a combined vacation, honeymoon, and for Randi, business trip. She was supposed to be at an estate sale, checking out and finding things for her store, _Back In Time Antiques_, which she had successfully opened up about two years ago, in conjunction with her still-ongoing appraisal business. Mac had been playing tourist with Fabio when he'd heard yelling and the phrase, "_Police! Stop!"_ He'd looked around automatically for the trouble, seen the suspect, and Fabio had yanked his leash out of his hand and taken off after the man.

Mac was worried about his wife. She'd been quiet lately, still her usual self but slightly withdrawn, and Mac was understandably concerned, especially since neither Candy nor Angel knew what was going on with Randi either. He was hoping this trip would help and knew he had to be patient but that wasn't always easy.

_THUD._ Even with his belly nearly to the ground, three legs, one eye, and long ears, Fabio had successfully managed to trip up the guy and he'd just done a face plant. The guy tried to move and Fabio growled. Even as ugly-looking as he was and as small as he was, Mac knew Fabio could take a mean bite out of someone if he chose to do so. The guy froze.

"Good boy, Fabio, but Randi is going to strangle you for taking off like that again," Mac said, trying to catch his breath, even as he watched the two guys in flak jackets take custody of the suspect and cuff him.

"Thanks for the assist," said the guy with dark hair and lean features. He wore a set of holsters on his thighs, _Tomb Raider_-style.

Mac spotted a tattoo on his arm coming out of his shirt. A badge on his hip caught Mac's attention. The other guy, a blonde with wide shoulders, had a similar badge on him. Law enforcement, Mac realized.

"No problem, even if it wasn't intentional," Mac said. "Detective Mac Taylor, New York City."

"Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett, Five-0, and this is my partner, Detective Sergeant Danny Williams," Steve said, shaking Mac's hand.

"And I'm Adam Kaminski, if anyone's interested," snarled the handcuffed suspect.

"Yeah, we're interested, you moron. We're interested in your not-so-legal activities in the stolen goods trade," Danny shot back, moving the suspect to a park bench. "Sit down and shut up. You're going for a ride in a short bit."

"I should sue you and your dumb mutt," Kaminski snapped, glaring at Fabio, who simply yawned and flopped down at Mac's feet. "Unlawful assault and being attacked by a dog."

"Good luck proving that in court," Mac said easily. "You want to explain to a judge how a small dog of mixed bulldog and Basset Hound heritage, with only three legs, managed to trip you up? Don't forget to mention you were running from the cops in the first place. I'm sure the judge would love to hear that. However, if you want to, by all means, have fun. I'll be back in New York by the end of the week and you'll be the laughing stock of your cell block."

A few minutes later a cruiser pulled up and Kaminski was put in the car. Steve offered to buy Mac a Hawaiian drink as thanks and Mac accepted, always willing to chat with other members of law enforcement, especially when he learned that Five-0 was a separate division of the Honolulu Police Department and that Steve was a former Navy SEAL and currently a reservist.

As they walked towards a café that served drinks, Danny eyed Fabio with suspicion.

"What's with you?" Steve asked once they were seated and Steve had called the rest of his team with an up-date.

"What is that dog's name again and by any chance did he live in Jersey?" Danny asked.

"Fabio. He belongs to my wife, Miranda," Mac said. "I think she did live in Jersey at one point, yes."

"Tall, curly black hair, odd clothing, maybe an antiques appraiser, with a real cute little kitty tattoo on her backside?" Danny asked. Mac took out his cell phone and brought up a picture of his wife. "The Lord is not merciful, is He?" Danny yelped.

"I take it you've met her?" Mac asked.

"Met her as in talked to her, maybe even tried flirting with her? Yes. And this was before I met and married my lovely now-ex-wife. Let's just say there are some people one just _does not_ forget," Danny said.

Mac just smiled.

"What did she do?" Steve asked curiously.

"That's the thing. She did absolutely nothing, nothing at all. She came in to file a report on a client of hers who was attempting to defraud an insurance company and I was the officer who was taking down the report."

"What blew?" Mac asked.

"Oh so you're familiar with that problem, huh?" Danny asked.

"Let's just say I've had to replace a few things over the years," Mac said, still smiling. _Like the crime lab staff coffee pot, his car's water pump, and a few beakers..._

"Well in my case, it was the squad room coffee machine, less than two minutes after she'd gotten a cup of coffee from it, I kid you not," Danny said.

Steve winced and Mac grinned. "Been there, done that," Mac said easily.

Danny continued. "Then, of course, after the mess was cleaned up, the lovely lady dropped her pen."

"And someone had an accident," Mac guessed.

"Specifically a detective who'd been with the force for over fifteen years," Danny said. "He managed to shoot himself in the foot with his own gun."

Mac laughed and winced, with Steve doing the same. "How'd he manage to do that?" Steve asked.

"To this day I swear I do not know," Danny replied honestly. "My partner and I, BJ, ran in to her a few weeks later, when she was on her way to get a doggy licence for this nice guy here. BJ, nice guy by the way, loved dogs. Couldn't go past a dog without trying to get friendly with them. He was even considering transferring to the K-9 department so he could work with dogs. So he bends down to pet the dog. And the dog burps."

"Oh no," Mac said, wincing.

"He nearly lost his lunch, and the bike messenger riding past clobbered himself when Miranda picked up her dog, exposing some very nice cleavage."

"Yup, that's my wife," Mac said, grinning.

_Across town, at a medical facility with an imaging center:_

Randi stared at the monitor. Floating in fluid space, wiggling every now and then, a tiny heart pumping, Randi watched her 3-month old unborn baby as the technician ran the wand from the ultrasound machine over her belly.

It was too early to determine the sex of the baby but Randi didn't care. If she and the baby could just get past the danger stage, then the risk of a miscarriage would decrease significantly. Randi had already suffered two miscarriages and a number of misses. She really didn't want to lose this baby.

"The fetus is looking really good," the technician, a nurse who had identified herself as Kim, said. She was a heavy-set woman of Hawaiian ancestry who reminded Randi of the lady from the Pine-Sol commercials. "Good heart rate, good size, strong movements."

"Could I get a copy of this? A picture, maybe?" Randi asked.

"I can do you one better. We offer a CD option, where we can put together a short video compilation of the ultrasound," Kim said.

"I'd like that," Randi said.

"Is this your first?"

"The first one to make it this far, yes. I lost two to miscarriages."

"Aww, that's too bad. Well, here's to hoping."

Randi smiled. Then she bit her lip. "We've been trying for almost two years," she admitted. "I don't want to get my husband's hopes up because he really wants a baby and so do I. We already have two godchildren."

"And you're afraid you might lose this little one like you lost the last two."

Randi nodded.

Kim smiled sympathetically. "The human body is a funny thing and I wish I could tell you that you won't have another miscarriage, but I can't. All I can say is just do the best you can, take care of yourself and the baby, and the rest will attend to itself. And if you do lose the baby, know that you tried. It won't make the hurt any easier, but I know you're trying and I know you want the baby and that's what counts. Just do yourself a favor and don't shut your hubby out. Trust me on this."

"How do I tell him?"

"What does he do?"

"He's a cop and the head of the crime lab in New York City."

"Then just hand him the disk, hand him some paint samples for a baby's room, and tell him he needs to see the disk and start thinking about how you guys are gonna paint the baby's room," Kim said. "That's how I told my husband."

"Did it work?"

"Yeah, after I called the ambulance because the damn fool hit his head on the way down," Kim said, grinning.

"Ouch."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Officer Kono Kalakaua cooed over Fabio, who was wiggling like crazy at the attention being lathered on him by the Hawaiian officer. Mac was at the headquarters of Five-0 on the invitation of Steve and Danny, mostly as a law enforcement information exchange, with Fabio and they had just been introduced to the junior officer.

"You are just adorable," Kono said, rubbing Fabio's ears. "Where did you find this little cutie?" she asked Mac.

"My wife found him on the streets a few years ago, badly injured. She took him to the vet, almost maxed out her credit card, and claimed him as her own," Mac said. "He was with her before I met her."

"Aww, poor guy. I'm guessing he's fixed or I'd be asking about puppies," Kono said.

"And your landlord would be asking for a bigger damage deposit or your eviction from the premises, depending on what kind of a mood he was in," Danny said.

Kono just grinned.

Detective Lieutenant Chin Ho Kelly, Kono's cousin and co-worker, stormed out of one of the interrogation rooms, clearly not in a good mood.

"Trouble?" Danny asked.

"Kaminski won't talk," Chin growled. "I'm not getting anywhere with him."

"Damn, and we need him to talk in order to shut down the stolen goods ring," Steve said.

"Maybe I can offer some insight," Mac offered.

"Any insight is always welcome," Chin said. "Detective Lieutenant Chin Ho Kelly."

"Detective Mac Taylor, NYPD," Mac said, shaking Chin's hand. "And this is Fabio, my wife's dog."

"Pleasure. And no, Kono, you cannot have a dog like him; your landlord would evict you," Chin said, grinning.

The group turned their attention to the case.

And Fabio, quiet as always, wandered off, exploring. His nose eventually found his favorite thing; food. When he shuffled his way back to Mac, after gorging himself on a sandwich left on someone's desk, Mac sniffed. Then he looked at Fabio, knelt down, and sniffed again. He groaned.

"You found someone's lunch, didn't you?" Mac asked the dog, who just looked at him and yawned. Mac swore softly. "And it had onions in it. I swear, every time Randi leaves you with that me, I wind up in the dog house," Mac muttered.

"What's the problem?" Kono asked.

"Fabio has a very touchy stomach," Mac explained, standing up. "If he eats garlic, onions, or cheese, the results can result in rather high concentrations of certain gases, such as hydrogen sulfide and mercaptans, along with nitrogen-rich gases such as skatole and indole, as well as oxygen and possibly even methane, which are quite flammable."

"How long does this take?" Steve asked, an evil gleam coming in to his eyes.

"Within fifteen minutes of him eating," Mac said.

"I know that look," Danny said.

"What look?" Steve asked indignantly.

"The look that says you're going to do something evil, wicked, mean, and nasty, and it's going to get us all in a world of trouble with the governor," Danny said.

"Maybe not with the governor," Steve said, "but possibly with Miranda and everyone else within a hundred yard radius." He took out his cell, hit a number and turned away, grinning.

"Why does that not reassure me?" Danny asked sarcastically.

"Steve has a habit of scaring the hell out of our suspects," Chin explained to Mac. "Some of his methods have been a little unusual, and Danny's used a few."

"Oh, are we talking about the time I used an old fake grenade to scare the hell out of some suspect? That was fun," Danny said, grinning.

Steve turned back to them, a grin on his face. "Kamekona's on his way over with a large order of garlic shrimp."

"Kamekona?" Mac repeated, not familiar with the name.

"He owns a shrimp and shaved ice place," Kono explained, "and he's a confidential informant."

"I think we have a tool shed somewhere on the premises, don't we?" Steve asked.

"There is one, yes," Chin said.

"Good. We're going to need a blind-fold, a chair, and possibly a flare," Steve said.

"What, exactly, are _we_ going to do?" Danny asked sarcastically.

"Use a very deadly, very explosive gas to convince Kaminski to talk," Steve said, grinning evilly. "And that starts with this little guy here."

Mac stared at him. "I hope you have some gas masks in storage. You're gonna need 'em."

"That bad, huh?" Kono asked.

Mac's fingers danced across the computer table and quickly pulled up a _New York Times_ news article.

"_Taylor-Wilcox Marriage Starts With a Bang_," Danny read out-loud.

"Someone fed Fabio the Banned Three and he got too close to the camp fire, cut one, startled two of my CSI's, one of whom accidentally dropped a box of firecrackers in to the fire," Mac explained patiently.

"You're serious," Danny said, eyes wide, while the others started grinning.

"Very. It cost Randi about three hundred dollars worth of baked goods to calm the locals down, who had called in the police due to the sound of, quote, gunshots," Mac said. "It took us weeks to live that one down and since I'm the head of the crime lab, you can imagine the e-mails and texts I got."

Kamekono was a very large, bald Hawaiian man and he came bearing several large containers of savory-smelling shrimp. Two boxes were cold, while several others were steaming.

After being introduced to Mac, he said, "Dig in, brah. Where's the pooch?"

"Right here," Mac said, indicating Fabio, who was slurping and wagging his tail eagerly.

"Here ya go, little guy," Kamekono said, carefully putting an open container of cooled garlic shrimp, sans tails, on the floor for Fabio. Fabio wolfed the shrimp down, causing the Hawaiian to grin. "Now that's a dog with a healthy appetite. You want some more, buddy?" Fabio's look of adoration was the obvious answer.

"Randi is going to kill me," Mac muttered.

Kaminski, blindfolded and swearing at them, was escorted to a small garden shed at the back of the building. There, he was seated and cuffed to the chair.

"What are you gonna do, torture me to death? I got rights, you know!" Kaminski snarled.

"And you've been informed of those rights," Steve said, "but do you know about our right, the one that says if we have to, we can break out a secret weapon?"

"What secret weapon?" Kaminski asked suspiciously.

"It's a highly flammable, very toxic gas. Guaranteed to make anyone talk, usually because if they don't and we don't administer the antidote, the victims have a tendency to puke to death. Nasty stuff," Steve said.

"But wouldn't that hurt you guys?" Kaminski asked suspiciously.

"No, not really. You see, you're in a special, air-tight chamber. The gas won't harm us because we won't be in here," Steve said. He grinned at Fabio, who yawned.

"You're bluffing! There ain't no such thing!" Kaminski shouted.

Steve shrugged. "Your choice. You can either tell us everything you know or I can turn on the gas."

"Screw you!"

"Fine. Have it your way."

And Steve stepped out of the shed, leaving Fabio and a nervous Kaminski behind.

Outside Mac was quietly talking on his cell to Randi, who had finally caught up with him, and the rest of the team were waiting, gas masks in hand.

"How long do you figure?" Steve asked.

"Depends on the stench," Danny said. "If it's as bad as Mac claims, I give him two minutes."

"Three," Kono said.

"I'm not getting involved in this," Chin said, shaking his head.

A moment later, a distinct _bbbbrrrrrraaaaaaappppp_ was heard.

"Oh my fucking god!" Kaminski yelled a moment later.

"Gas mask time," Mac said, sliding his mask on over his face. The Five-0 team quickly slid their masks on and waited.

After about a minute, Steve asked, his voice muffled by the mask, "Shall we use the flare?"

"If you do, let me know so I can get a head-start on the running," Mac said.

"Hey Kaminski, you want to talk now?" Steve called cheerfully.

There came the sound of someone throwing up. "Get me out of here! I swear, I swear I'll tell you everything! Don't let me die, man, please!"

"Guess we don't have to use the flare after all," Danny said, following Steve in to the shed.

"Good thing too; I'd hate to explain to Governor Denning how we managed to make a garden shed explode," Chin said.

"But you boneheads are going to have to explain to me why my dog is being used to interrogate your suspect," came a soft female voice.

"Uh-oh," muttered Kono. She knew that tone of voice; it meant there was one angry woman fast approaching and someone was going to possibly lose their balls.

Everyone turned around and sure enough, Randi was standing a few feet away, glaring at them. She wore an off-shoulder ruffle crop top and a matching short sarong skirt in shades of bright blue with ruffle. Sandals were on her feet, her hair was done up with flowers, and she had her briefcase bag and purse with her. As always she looked pretty but this time she was also looking pretty mad.

"Hello Mac, hello Officer Williams," Randi said, glaring at them, apparently recognizing Danny. "I assume there's a very good reason for all this?"

Danny and Steve were leading a coughing, gagging Kaminski out of the garden shed, and he was spilling his guts about everything and everything Five-0 wanted to know about the stolen goods trade.

"He's the reason," Mac said, pointing to Kaminski.

Then Steve took his blindfold off. And Kaminski saw Fabio and he really started swearing.

"That fucking mutt could have fucking killed me! I'll have your badges! I'll have your pensions! I'll have that fucking dog put down!" he yelled, fighting both Steve and Danny.

Without warning, Randi did the one thing Mac never thought he'd see his wife ever do; she swung.

And Kaminski went down without a sound.

And Randi looked at Kaminski, looked at Mac, who by now had removed his mask, and burst in to tears.

_What the hell?_ Mac thought as he wrapped his arms around his sobbing wife, looking at the others with confusion.


End file.
